Why Be Inspired

Like my mother, there's a part of me that wants to be an artist. I want to create. I want to be creative. But I have no medium, nothing that I go back to over and over again, perfect and refine.
I love the idea of inspiration, of looking at the world through the lens of searching and finding.
But what am I searching for? What do I hope to find?
I'm coming to realize that all I actually want to create is happiness, and, even more, I want to give it.

When I'm looking at beautiful homes or perfectly styled parties, what I want isn't the things; it's the feeling. It's the idea that I have done something and that it has created a moment. And that moment is good because it brings me joy because I created it and, hopefully, brings joy because I gave it.

I want happy spaces and events. I want clothing that makes me feel good about me. I want food that is beautiful and nourishing.

I am realizing that a search for beauty is really my search for happiness. That's where all my roads lead.
I come by happiness easily, mostly.
But I work at it.
It's important to me.

I wish I could come to terms with my only art form, accept that what I do is enough. That I can look for inspiration and it is not in vain or without purpose. I don't have to be in a creative field. I don't have to be a stylist or a designer or an event planner to appreciate what they do, to take their cues and apply them in small ways. And I hope that I can cultivate my creative aspirations without feeling frustrated, disappointed, or jealous that they aren't bigger or more prominent in my life.

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