Monday, March 16, 2015

Undefined

There are so many parts of being a parent that feel confusing and contradictory, none more so than the desire to see the future while slowing down the present.

I look at her little, tiny face, with the chin that comes straight from Tom's mother's family and I imagine her as a crotchety old lady, magnificently outspoken and unapologetic, full of convictions and a fair share irreverence.  I try to  stop myself. I'm just imagining based on little more than a bizarre worldly entrance and a few milky expressions.

I want to know what color her eyes will be. I want to hear the sound of her voice. I want to watch her explore and discover and find her place in this family, in this world.

But mostly, I just want it to be slow enough that I can commit each little bit and piece to memory, to be retrieved at a moment's notice, to be reexamined without the pain that so often accompanies my nostalgia.

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4 comments:

  1. UnknownMarch 18, 2015 at 8:43 PM

    I love her powerful fist!

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  2. moonshinejunkyardMarch 18, 2015 at 9:50 PM

    Totally get you on this struggle. You're doing a great job capturing these fleeting days. Even though I sometimes feel like I take too many photos, I actually do think it helps me remember. The act of noticing and photographing the tiniest moment helps to etch it into my mind and heart and memory. But maybe the sadness accompanying nostalgia can never really be diminished. Lovely words and photos.

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    Replies
    1. UnknownMarch 27, 2015 at 5:25 AM

      I kind of like taking too many photos. I mean, what's the harm anyway? It helps me remember.

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  3. AnonymousMarch 19, 2015 at 6:47 AM

    Hi Rachel, I'm Lindsey! I have a question and would love to speak with you. Please email me when you have a chance, thanks so much! I look forward to hearing from you :)

    lindseyDOTcaldwellATrecallcenterDOTcom

    ReplyDelete