Thursday, May 28, 2015

Right Now

It's late.

I should go to bed.

But the house is quiet. It's all mine, and I may have poured a drink just a little too strong.

I'll regret this in the morning, but my reasons are so different than they used to be.

Tonight I had a moment of jealousy tonight hearing a twenty-two year causally discuss being a twenty-two year old. I was never really a twenty-two year old. I was a mom, and I was pregnant with another. But I remember being nineteen and in college, pretending to be a twenty-two year old. It was grand. (Actually, I was pretending to be much older, but you get the drift.)

I remember having no one else to worry about. I remember what it was like to sleep in. I remember what it felt like to feel poor but to also have money to blow on bar tabs and concert tickets.

I know that at any moment the baby could wake up. At any moment, I could be summoned upstairs. But right now...this is mine. This moment with only the fan whirling in the background. The to-do list fades into nothingness come midnight. The dishes in the sink will wait. The laundry can't be sorted. Right now is mine.

Right now is grand.



4 comments:

  1. Both wistful for then and yet grounded in now ... A delicate balance to hold.

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  2. well, if 9pm is late, then I am REALLY late at almost 11pm. I must go to bed but with a new baby too, I get what you are saying - that I only have this very moment and the next one could be claimed by who knows what related to the children. And sometimes I have to consciously step back from the endless housework because it is endless and I just need some moments.

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    Replies
    1. 9 is early. 10 is normal. The time is set funny on my account because I posted this after work so it was really closer to midnight. And I'm so with you about trying to step away from the housework and the to-do list, and just enjoy the moment.

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