I should go to bed.
But the house is quiet. It's all mine, and I may have poured a drink just a little too strong.
I'll regret this in the morning, but my reasons are so different than they used to be.
Tonight I had a moment of jealousy tonight hearing a twenty-two year causally discuss being a twenty-two year old. I was never really a twenty-two year old. I was a mom, and I was pregnant with another. But I remember being nineteen and in college, pretending to be a twenty-two year old. It was grand. (Actually, I was pretending to be much older, but you get the drift.)
I remember having no one else to worry about. I remember what it was like to sleep in. I remember what it felt like to feel poor but to also have money to blow on bar tabs and concert tickets.
I know that at any moment the baby could wake up. At any moment, I could be summoned upstairs. But right now...this is mine. This moment with only the fan whirling in the background. The to-do list fades into nothingness come midnight. The dishes in the sink will wait. The laundry can't be sorted. Right now is mine.
Right now is grand.