Thursday, May 28, 2015

Right Now

It's late.

I should go to bed.

But the house is quiet. It's all mine, and I may have poured a drink just a little too strong.

I'll regret this in the morning, but my reasons are so different than they used to be.

Tonight I had a moment of jealousy tonight hearing a twenty-two year causally discuss being a twenty-two year old. I was never really a twenty-two year old. I was a mom, and I was pregnant with another. But I remember being nineteen and in college, pretending to be a twenty-two year old. It was grand. (Actually, I was pretending to be much older, but you get the drift.)

I remember having no one else to worry about. I remember what it was like to sleep in. I remember what it felt like to feel poor but to also have money to blow on bar tabs and concert tickets.

I know that at any moment the baby could wake up. At any moment, I could be summoned upstairs. But right now...this is mine. This moment with only the fan whirling in the background. The to-do list fades into nothingness come midnight. The dishes in the sink will wait. The laundry can't be sorted. Right now is mine.

Right now is grand.


  1. Both wistful for then and yet grounded in now ... A delicate balance to hold.

  2. well, if 9pm is late, then I am REALLY late at almost 11pm. I must go to bed but with a new baby too, I get what you are saying - that I only have this very moment and the next one could be claimed by who knows what related to the children. And sometimes I have to consciously step back from the endless housework because it is endless and I just need some moments.

    1. 9 is early. 10 is normal. The time is set funny on my account because I posted this after work so it was really closer to midnight. And I'm so with you about trying to step away from the housework and the to-do list, and just enjoy the moment.