Wednesday, March 19, 2014

Stage Wife

Tom cracks me up. I know lots of women say that their men crack them up, and I hope it's true because laughing with your partner is pretty much the best and must do all sorts of great things for a relationship. I'm certain that there must be studies proving this, though even if there were studies disproving it, I would still be really glad that Tom makes me lol on the regular. 

The only time I have ever not appreciated Tom's humor was in the middle of contractions during Arlo's birth. At the time, I did not find his jokes about banjos and burritos amusing. Apart from that, I like his weird humor, and I'm always happy to get his weird emails. 

Anyhow, he's in a community theater play with my dad, and yesterday he sent me the bio he wrote for it. I hope to god that it gets edited before it gets printed, but I wanted someone to read it in its bizarre, unadulterated glory. 

"Tom Weaver really had to stretch for the role of Ben Silverman. Make-up alone is a brutal 2 1/2 hour process each and every performance, subtly transforming the 32 year old Weaver into a completely different looking "mid-30s" Caucasian male (Weaver is actually 33% Pacific Islander and 2/3rds female in his everyday life). Weaver is an uncompromising method actor who famously stayed in character 24 hours a day over the course of three years in preparation for this role. This was especially difficult since he has three children, Sena, Gus, and Arlo -- not two, like Ben Silverman. This meant completely ignoring one of his children for the entirety of those three years and referring to the other two as "Amanda and Michael" (or sometimes "Amanda and Jackie" when he got flustered).  This aspect of his preparation landed him in jail several times, where he learned you can never show any kind of weakness to anyone, no matter how much you thought you could trust them. In his professional life, Weaver is a personal injury attorney and not an entertainment agent, so obviously, he had to dig deep to find the right balance of compassion for his clients, desperation to succeed, and personal and professional self-loathing which attorneys in no way have ever experienced ever, but entertainment agents probably feel all the time. (Probably?)   Besides his method approach, Weaver was also influenced in his formative years by the Marx Brothers, Woody Allen, the live-action Ninja Turtles movie (the first one), and the whole New York-writer/actor/comedian thing in general.  He lives in Chesapeake Beach and at one point several years ago his brother-in-law drilled a pair of deer antlers to the front of his car, which he retained there proudly until his car exploded from old age (as do all his cars, eventually).  Also, he plays banjo, can't see very well anymore without glasses, and in third grade he really hurt his knee on a rock when he tried to slide tackle some kid when his coach decided they'd use an unmown field to play soccer on when the school was using the other one for something else (he can't remember what).  His favorite food (lately) is pancakes. If there's any further information you need, you can get in touch with me -- oops I mean him -- through the mails. "

If any of you happen to be one of my real life friends or happen to live in Southern Maryland and want to see Tom and my pops on stage, you can buy tickets to their show, The Sunshine Boys over at the Twin Beach Player's website. After the show, you should totally come over for a drink. 

For more of Tom's weird humor, feel free to re-read this post where he said lots of nice things about me before making some hard to decipher science fiction joke that no one seemed to notice.  


  1. If only all bios read like this, I might have a better time flipping through playbills! He's hysterical, although you have my full permission to not tell him I said that if you think it'll go to his head (;

  2. It's best never to let them see you laughing either.

  3. Now I know what are the things that I will do and not to do. Thank you for this great effort.

    Connecticut Personal Injury Attorney & Connecticut Car Accident Lawyer

    1. Ahh...personal injury lawyer, eh? So is tom.

  4. Hi Rachel! This totally made me lol. :)