Friday, March 14, 2014

A Jealous Heart

It almost doesn't seem fair. Thousands of years ago God sent down a top ten list. I can mostly get behind the list; I can mostly live the list. Don't steal. No problem. Don't murder. Fine. Don't adulterate. Whatever you say, God.

But don't covet?
That one's hard. Really hard.

Modifying behavior is doable. Modifying feelings is much harder.

I am jealous- jealous of other people's beautiful homes (their hardwood floors covered in beautiful rugs in particular). I'm jealous of the rings on their fingers (never diamonds, but gimme thin bands of hammered gold or chunky veiny turquoise) and their fiddle leaf fig trees. I'm jealous of their American made, independently designed clothing, their beautiful, fairtrade kids toys. I'm jealous of their all natural skin products and their antique dishes. I'm jealous.

And I'm really ashamed of it.

But you know what, I'm working on it. I'm working on my consumer diet. I'm working on my wanting. And like most things, it takes work. I have to forcefully remove the thoughts from my head, forcefully remove my hand from the mouse.

And then I have to replace the thoughts of jealousy with thoughts of gratitude, the time spent wanting with time spent doing.

1 comment:

  1. Want is a though thing. I think you're right though, with practice, we can become better. Loving what we have, trying to be genuinely happy for others. But, yeah, damn, it's hard. Just remember that trite, but accurate old more: your insides, other people's outsides-do not compare. Who knows how happy they are with their floors and rugs and cute things and tiny waists and exotic travels and financial freedom. Ain't a thing we can do about that, but we can work on our own happiness.