Wednesday, December 4, 2013

Conflicted Christmas

I don't like December much. I don't like the stress and the chaos and the pressure. I like putting up our Christmas tree and I like Christmas carols. I like parties and twinkly lights. But I just want everything to slow down. I want my credit card to stay in my wallet. I want the sugar to stay out of my belly.

I used to hate January and February. They are dark and cold. But now I find myself looking forward to them. Looking forward to bundling up and staying in. Looking forward to cooking big, hearty meals and weekends without plans.

I will try to be jolly and bright and pretend that this is the most wonderful time of the year. I will bake cookies and decorate ginger bread houses and wear lots of red. And I know that I will have fun and I know that I will be enjoying more moments than most months afford. And my kids will, hopefully, be none the wiser about my secret bah humbug attitude.

Because their excitement and enthusiasm remind me that these are fleeting moments. This is the only Christmas season that season is 8 and Gus is 6 and Arlo will turn 1. They won't be so excited to decorate Christmas trees for long. And in the blink of an eye, I'll be back to having a tree that actually has ornaments on the bottom half.






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5 comments:

  1. moonshinejunkyardDecember 4, 2013 at 9:49 PM

    oh my goodnesss......your wall of lights and framed goodies....i want to LIVE in there! so pretty and magical it could be an elf queen's december hidey hole.

    so yep, december can be rough (the two things you cited are the bane of my existence too...) but with those precious faces so seriously taking it all in of course it has to be wonderful as well. you are creating such heart-aching nostalgia, dreamy family time hours that will be etched in their sweet hearts forever and ever, bringing them peace and joy that they will spread to the ones they love as adults, maybe to their own children and help in that tiny way to eventually make a better world. i truly believe that. that's the great thing about december....those moments you mention, how important they are in bright little growing spirits. much love to you mama, and peace.

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    1. UnknownDecember 5, 2013 at 2:57 AM

      Thanks Heather. You are so right and maybe i can keep some of that in mind as I Scrooge my way along. These little moments could be important one day; I can't lessen them with my stress.

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  2. Lauren KnightDecember 6, 2013 at 7:46 PM

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  3. Lauren KnightDecember 6, 2013 at 7:47 PM

    Sorry... typo! I meant to say that I too am feeling that sense of dread that happens when the holidays just get to be too much. Here's hoping some of the magic finds it's way to both of us! :)

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    1. UnknownDecember 9, 2013 at 12:51 PM

      it's getting better. i'm finding my holiday spirit. hope you are too.

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