The Fifth Month With You

You, dear sweet child, with your beautiful round head and overly tanned arms and legs, are difficult. I thought that as the fourth child you would be forced to be laid back and easy going, that you would take what was given to you with a sigh and a smile, understand that your world is chaotic and full, and therefore, not easy to bend to your demands. But this has not been the case.

Because you are the fourth, you have been surrounded with so many faces, dragged along on so many trips and errands. As a result, you expect constant stimulation. Earlier this month we had three days to ourselves, just you and me. I was so looking forward to uninterrupted hours spent gazing into your eyes. I anticipated lots of time spent lazing on the couch, long naps that gave me ample time to get chores done. The reality involved a lot more pacing around the house with you on my hip, trying to keep you entertained while not yet ready to give up on my dream of rest sprinkled with productivity. I would have been better leaving and taking you on some sort of outing to see the world. When you are out and about, you are happy and content, eager to flashy your gummy smile at anyone who wants to look at your cubby cheeks and button nose. Inside these four walls, you are exhausting.

The exhaustion, however,  doesn't even begin to compare to the love. Because you are the fourth, I know how my love for you only keeps getting bigger and stronger and more beautiful, so these days of teething and round-the-clock nursing are all the easier to get through.

And here's a little "outtake" of your big brother loving up all over you. Yesterday you laughed as hard as you ever had at him, and he worked hard to keep you amused. Arlo can be quite the grump, but he is all soft, squishy heart when it comes to you. He likes to make sure you are included, and he's always telling you that you're funny and cute. Plus, he refers to you exclusively as "Alamae James" and that is adorable.

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