This Weekend We

This weekend we spent up the last few moments of my Christmas Break, and as usual, I am overcome with all the things I didn't do-- the things I didn't write, the projects I didn't start, much less finish. I wish I had seen more people and gone more places.

I am not eager to return to dark, early mornings in particular. And I am also a little apprehensive about returning to a job I am feeling less than enthusiastic about. Maybe it's because I don't plan to return after the new baby is born, so the next two months feel a little in limbo. But it also has something to do with feeling frustrated with the system. This is my eighth year teaching public school, and it's getting harder and harder for me to accept some of its realities. I'm ready for a change, but also really nervous.

In keeping with my New Year's resolution, I asked the kids what they wanted to do this year for fun. Their answers were so simple and achievable: trips to the beach and the waterpark, more family walks, to go bowling. They have fun, even when they aren't trying very hard.  They like the tenor of their lives. It reminded me that having fun isn't about the things that we do: it's the attitude we have while doing just about anything. This year I'm going to try to have fun while waiting for a new baby to arrive and while folding laundry. I'm going to try to have fun while driving in the car and while eating dinner. I still want to plan trips and parties, but mostly, I want fun to seep into the bits and pieces, into the spots usually filled with frustration and impatience.  And I want to enjoy and appreciate the quiet moments because they are filled with all sorts of beauty, even if it isn't the glaringly fun variety.

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