Wanted / 5

I want my kids to be independent, to be able to do things on their own, to take initiative, to feel competent and capable. I want them to be able to make decisions and to follow directions and to know how to fix mistakes.

I don't want to be a helicopter parent. 

I don't want my children to be afraid.

A week ago Sena and Gus wanted to walk down to the beach. It's about a block from our house, just down a giant hill with almost no traffic. It's completely safe. I wanted to let them go. I wanted them to get to play without me standing off in the distance. I wanted them to be by themselves and solve their own disagreements. But I didn't let them go, and I knew exactly why. It was not my own worry that stopped me, though, honestly, I would have been a little nervous the whole time. It was the fear of what other parents down at the beach would have thought. I knew that other parents would have seen my unsupervised kids and deemed me negligent.

But I don't think it's negligent. I think it's responsible, in fact, because I want to teach them to be responsible, to look out for danger, to look out for each other. I want them to learn how to navigate the world without me as co-pilot. But I'm raising my kids in a culture of fear. No one wants their child to get hurt or to make a mistake, so we stand at their side desperately trying to protect.

I sort of love reading parenting books, at least the ones that confirm ideas I already hold. I read The Last Child in the Woods when Sena and Gus were younger. It gave me some courage at the time to parent the way I felt I should. I think it's about time I reread it. Then maybe I will send my kids down to the beach, judging parents be damned.

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Wanted / 04

I want my children to be hard workers, to take pride in the work that they do. To see the value in that work.

The other day, as we were walking across the grocery store parking lot, Sena commented on a sign she saw hanging on the wall honoring someone for being the deli manger since 1981. "Who would want to be a deli manager for that long?" I was embarrassed, and I looked around to make sure no one overheard us.

Sena was not being a classist.  She did not mean to degrade anyone. I understand what she was thinking.  But it's important to me that my children never, ever feel above honest, hard work. I hope that they never look down their noses at fast food gigs or manuel labor. I want them to be more embarrassed to be given something that they didn't earn than they would ever be of any pay check.

I think that my generation was sold a bill of goods. We were told, "Do what you love and you'll never work a day in your life." But that simply isn't true; even if you do love your career, there will be laundry to do, taxes to file, lawns to mow. It's all work. And what's more, that sentiment seems to devalue just getting a job. It's okay to just have a job-- a job that isn't creative or environmental or related to social justice. It's okay to get a nine-to-five with benefits and a retirement plan.
It won't make them boring.
They can still be fascinating, even if their jobs aren't.
And I hope, even at their not so fascinating jobs, they will sit down at their desks and work hard. And be proud.

Wanted / 01
Wanted / 02
Wanted / 03

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Wanted/ 03

I want my children to be grateful. I want them to say thanks for all that they have and all that they are.
I know that they will not always be happy, that hard times will come, and a smile just won't fit on their souls. But even in those times, I want them to remember how good they have it. Remember that they are safe. That they are loved. That they have no real needs, only wants.

I think about those mothers in Syria and Somalia and in so many other corners of the world, whose children aren't safe, whose children have needs. And I am grateful that my heart doesn't ache like theirs do, day in and day out.
And I want my children to know that they are so fortunate, that they are so blessed, and that they had nothing to do with those blessings. That it was just the luck of the draw, and their cards came up winning. And to not appreciate this life, to not appreciate all that they have, all that they are, is  just plain wrong, deeply wrong.

Sometimes I think that the only person more fortunate than my children is me.I'm grateful for my messy kitchen, and I'm even more grateful for kitchen mess makers.

More Wants:

Wanted/ 01
Wanted/ 02

What do you want for your children?

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Wanted / 01

I like thinking about what I want for my children, what I hope to instill in them, to teach them is important. There are so many things I would love them to be, so many things I would love them to do. Sometimes it feels like there isn't enough time to encourage everything I hope for them. But as I try to think about my priorities and the things I hope to make priorities for my children, there are some wants that are so much greater than others.

One of my deepest hopes is that my children will be learners, that they will discover, and sometimes embrace, new ideas.
I want my kids to love learning. I want my kids to be thinking, questioning, analyzing, and solving all day, everywhere.
I don't want my kids to think that learning is in any way confined by time or place.

I want them to learn during car rides and at the beach, at our kitchen table and in the library.
I want them to be learning in their pajamas and in their snowsuits, while they swim and when we go for walks. I don't want school or weekdays or daylight to have the monopoly on thought.

I want them to be thoughtful in the truest, deepest sense of that word.

Because really, what would Tom and I do with kids who didn't have a touch of nerdy in them. 

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