Not Quite Whole, Still Loving Myself

A friend of mine, the one who inspired me to try it out to begin with, asked me about my Loving Myself- Whole30 Challenge. It occurred to me that I put it out there and then never mentioned it again. Maybe in part, actually definitely in whole, because I didn't do as well with it as I hoped.

I'll start with the positive. I lost weight, 10 pounds, which is wonderful and made me feel really great and optimistic. And while doing it I felt great, and I don't mind eating this way at all. However, and there is always a however with me and diet, I didn't stick to it the way I wanted to. I didn't actually do the Whole30; I did the Twothirds30 or maybe the Seventyfivepercent30. That doesn't feel great, not because it's some sort of failure, but because I didn't achieve what I set out to achieve. And when I started thinking about that, I got sort of embarrassed. I started to feel like I failed, but that is nonsense. My challenge had two parts, and the first part was about loving myself.
I did a pretty good job, not perfect, but pretty good. And just because I didn't do it this time, doesn't mean I won't do it. This needs to become my new normal, so today, I'm going to get back on the horse, or whatever it is that cavemen got on, since that's the theme. And tomorrow, I am going to look myself in the mirror and remind myself that I love myself, and that I can do anything that I want to do, and that I'm beautiful (are you guys still reading the cheesiness I'm spewing right now? Man, cheese...that's the hardest part to get rid of) And while I can't commit to the whole Whole30 until after the new year, I can recommit to big changes I have put into motion.

"Every morning we are born again. What we do today is what matters most.”- Gautama Buddha

And you know what, I'm excited about it, and I refuse to feel defeated.

I might share some of the things I discovered/ figured out along the way, not because I think people are all that interested in the specifics of my changes, but because so often putting things into words helps me to understand them better.

I want to be the best mom I can be, and that means being healthy, and it means setting a good example for my children. The best gift I can give them is a mother who is full of life, love, and energy. Today i am born again. Today matters most.

  

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Loving Myself- Whole30 Challenge

I love me.

It's a weird thing to say, I guess. It's one of those things I feel like you aren't supposed to say. I feel like there is this idea that as a woman, I am almost supposed to be a little insecure. It is totally acceptable to admit to all sorts of body issues and to discuss your flaws in large groups of woman, but as soon as you say you like anything about your physical appearance, that you like you, that you love you, you set yourself up for criticism, not to your face of course, but when you leave. It's sort of scary to say it out loud, or type it. But I don't want to be scared. I want to love myself and celebrate myself and radiate confidence.


But even though I like myself and I usually think I'm pretty, I have always struggled with my weight. But I try not to talk about it. Because it seems weak. And I don't want to be weak. I want to be confident and I want to be secure. I don't want to be a pathetic constant dieter, who never seems to live proudly in her own skin. I don't want to rob myself of joy and pleasure while I count calories. I want to live fully, boldly, confidently. Dieting seems like the antithesis of that life.

So sometimes I try to diet on the sly, so as not to give the impression that I care. So as not to seem to concerned with my imperfections.

But today I am starting my Whole 30 Challenge. I'm doing it because I do love myself and I do think I'm pretty, but I'll admit that I would love for there to be a little less body to love. And even if there is just as much of me at the end of this challenge as there was at the beginning, I love my body and I want to treat it well. There ain't no way my diet Pepsi and a chocolate sprinkle donut are doin' me any favors.

I'm hoping this makes me feel good and energized and healthy and beautiful, and not just crazy and jonsing for some ice cream. I'll let ya know.

*That is my excited/ nervous/ confident face, in case you were wondering. I mean I figured if I'm gonna write a post that declares that I love me, I at least needed a picture of me to prove it. 

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